Miscellaneous Characters from History - humorous fiction

What If Cleopatra Checked Into a Ryokan?

This is a fictional comedy.

History remembers Cleopatra as a queen.

Diplomat.

Strategist.

Scholar.

Owner of what was probably the most intimidating eye makeup in human history.

History does not record what would have happened had she booked a traditional Japanese ryokan.

Which is unfortunate.

Because somewhere in Kyoto, an innkeeper still occasionally tells the story of "the Egyptian lady who requested a bathtub large enough for a Nile crocodile."

Check-In

The hostess greeted her with a warm smile.

"Welcome."

Cleopatra nodded regally.

"My servants will bring the luggage."

The hostess looked behind her.

There were no servants.

Only seventeen suitcases.

Three golden chests.

A decorative fan taller than the receptionist.

And one cat.

Nobody knew why the cat had come.

Least of all the cat.

The Shoes

The hostess politely pointed toward the entrance.

"Shoes, please."

Cleopatra looked puzzled.

"My sandals?"

"Yes."

"My royal sandals?"

"Especially the royal sandals."

For the first time in recorded history, the Queen of Egypt surrendered territory.

Approximately forty-three centimeters of it.

The Tatami

She entered the room.

Tatami.

Sliding paper doors.

A low table.

Absolute serenity.

Cleopatra walked three steps.

Paused.

Looked around.

"Where is the furniture?"

"This is the furniture."

She spent the next twenty minutes trying to sit gracefully at a table designed for people considerably closer to the floor.

The table remained patient.

The Futon

Evening arrived.

The staff prepared the futon.

Cleopatra watched with fascination.

"They are... making my bed?"

"Yes."

"On the floor?"

"Yes."

She stared thoughtfully.

"So..."

"Yes?"

"...the floor is the bed."

The hostess bowed.

"You understand quickly."

Cleopatra nodded.

"I don't like it."

The Onsen

Then came the greatest surprise.

"The bath is this way."

She entered.

Steam drifted through the room.

Beautiful stone pools.

Peaceful silence.

No perfume.

No milk.

No rose petals.

She quietly whispered,

"You people bathe without trying to impress anyone."

The regular guests wondered why the elegant foreign woman looked personally offended by clean water.

Dinner

Dinner arrived.

Seasonal.

Perfectly arranged.

Every dish looked like a tiny work of art.

Cleopatra examined it carefully.

"So beautiful."

The chef smiled proudly.

She then asked,

"Where is the feast?"

"This... is the feast."

She counted.

"One mushroom."

"Yes."

"Half a fish."

"Yes."

"A leaf."

"It is an excellent leaf."

The Yukata

The hostess returned carrying a yukata.

"A gift."

Cleopatra smiled.

Finally.

Royal clothing.

Five minutes later she had somehow tied the sash into what archaeologists would later classify as "an interesting hypothesis."

The innkeeper quietly untied it.

Again.

The Garden

Unable to sleep, Cleopatra wandered into the ryokan garden.

Stone lanterns glowed softly.

Water trickled gently.

The moon reflected perfectly in the pond.

She sat quietly.

No advisors.

No politics.

No Roman generals.

No palace intrigue.

Just crickets.

And one surprisingly judgmental koi.

For perhaps the first time in years...

...she relaxed.

Breakfast

Morning arrived with grilled fish, rice, miso soup, and pickles.

Cleopatra blinked.

"Where are the grapes?"

The hostess smiled.

"This is breakfast."

"And dessert?"

"You have already eaten it."

Check-Out

As she prepared to leave, the innkeeper bowed.

"We hope your stay was peaceful."

Cleopatra looked around one last time.

She had expected luxury.

Instead she had found simplicity.

She had expected servants.

Instead she had discovered quiet hospitality.

She had expected to impress everyone.

Instead...

...she had been impressed herself.

She bowed.

The innkeeper bowed.

The cat bowed.

Nobody questioned it.

The Real Luxury of a Ryokan

Luxury is often misunderstood.

Sometimes it means marble floors.

Sometimes gold ceilings.

Sometimes private armies.

Japan quietly proposes another definition.

A beautifully prepared meal.

Perfect hospitality.

Natural hot springs.

A peaceful garden.

A room containing only what truly matters.

Even Cleopatra might have admitted...

...the Japanese had a point.

TEMPTED TO SEE JAPAN DIFFERENTLY?