Friends Reunion Trip to Japan
The One Where Ross Tries to Buy a Katana
It started like every good bad idea: with Ross saying,
“Guys, while we’re in Osaka, I think I should buy a samurai sword. For... anthropology.”
Monica rolled her eyes so hard she nearly strained a retina.
“You’re not a samurai, Ross. You cried during Kung Fu Panda.”
But Ross was determined. “This is research. I’m an academic.”
Chandler smirked. “Yeah, well, Professor Katana, try not to decapitate any sushi chefs.”
So the gang—on a Friends Reunion Trip to Japan™—found themselves in a little sword shop in Dōtonbori, run by a very serious man named Mr. Kenji, who wore sunglasses indoors and spoke exclusively in haikus.
Ross picked up a katana and struck what he thought was a majestic pose. Unfortunately, he sneezed mid-pose, flinging the sheath into a stack of antique teacups.
Mr. Kenji stared. “Balance is broken. So is tea.”
Rachel whispered, “Ross, just put it down and let’s go shopping.”
But Ross, now panicking and determined to prove himself, yelled, “I can totally handle this!”
Cue: Ross accidentally pressing a hidden button on the display case, triggering a secret samurai training dojo that descended from the ceiling like a trap from Indiana Jones. Traditional music started playing. A robotic voice announced: “Initiating Trial of the Sword.”
Everyone screamed. Except Joey, who clapped. “YES! This is better than Die Hard!”
Ross was forced to do a sword kata routine. Every time he messed up, the floor sprayed him with matcha powder. By the fifth round, he looked like a confused moss monster swinging at invisible enemies.
Phoebe, in full kimono and eating octopus on a stick, offered wise commentary:
“Ross’s chi is totally clogged.”
Miraculously, Ross passed—thanks to a lucky sneeze-spin that knocked over a training dummy, which the dojo registered as “Enemy Defeated.”
Mr. Kenji solemnly handed Ross a certificate written in ancient kanji.
Ross asked, “What does it say?”
Chandler read it: “This man is not dangerous. Just clumsy.”
The sword is now displayed in Ross’s New York apartment, mounted above his fossil collection.
When guests ask about it, he just says:
“It’s a long story. Involving destiny, green tea, and way too much wasabi.”
And Monica still makes him sign a waiver before cutting cake.